Blurry
by always-kh
Summary: AU. truth, reality, identity are in flux as the lines begin to blur. She's forgotten her past, who she is, who these people are... and why she's here now. a twist on themes in kingdom hearts. a reinterpretation of sorts... post khII. vague spoilers.
1. Naminé

**disclaimer: FANfiction. **think about it.** all i o****wn is the plot. i would never have had the genius for all that is kingdom hearts-like putting disney and ff characters in there.** Don't sue

**…...**

She sat alone, drawing contentedly, a slight smile creeping across her pale face, leaning in closer, her brows furrowed in concentration, as she added the finishing touches. She then gently pushed a loose strand of blond hair back into place behind her ear, a habitual, almost nervous, gesture, even though anyone could see that she was hardly even conscious that she'd done that.

Suddenly distracted now, she looked around in confusion, trying to remember how she'd gotten here... wherever here was. But as she glanced around the slight frown vanished as her cerulean eyes locked onto pictures tacked onto the white walls, all hers of course, and so she quickly added this one to the wall as well. As quickly as she could at least, because her leg was in a brace and her head still spun a bit whenever she moved but she'd accomplished it and reveled in that fact. She smiled up at this latest image of a girl she _thought_ she knew from somewhere (But where! And could she be sure of anything anyway?), a girl with gentle eyes and an outfit so vividly orange and so bright that she was dazzling and so very pretty but still she looked sad somehow; it was in the eyes the pale artist had decided, something in the girl's eyes made her want to cry in sympathy. But that was the most ridiculous idea she'd thought of yet today, wanting to cry for a girl she didn't even know, a girl who probably didn't exist, but still... somehow it was the saddest face she'd ever seen. Even though she should be the sad one. Or so she thought. She really didn't feel much of anything at the moment... was that good or bad?

She was in the hospital: her very spotty memory and the white walls reminded her of that. She still didn't know why though. Or who all the people visiting her were. She didn't recognize them, but they all claimed to know her. It just made her head hurt, she really didn't know anything anymore, couldn't remember anything. But she was smart and more observant than everyone thought, not quite so out of it as everyone thought. There had been two boys. One with brown spiky hair that almost made her want to laugh so much and pet it too because it looked so nice and soft and like it would feel good to touch it. And he reminded her of a puppy too: he'd been so eager to see her and had been so, so... devastated when she's just looked at him blankly that somehow that look made her hurt too. And feel sorry for whatever she'd done wrong. But there was another boy too, he looked older and his hair was closer to a silvery blue and closer to a girl's length (but she doubted that he would ever be mistaken for a girl). This second boy gently pulled the younger boy away prying his hands off the bars on the hospital bed and she appreciated that. The smaller boy's questions always hurt her head. And it brought up things she really didn't want to think about...

What was going on?

Why was she here at a hospital?

What exactly had happened?

Who was she anyway? What was she like? Somehow the things they told her didn't all fit up yet... Could she believe anything they said? Things just didn't make sense yet, she was still missing something...

_Every_ time she wondered these things she could come up with only one answer... She reached a hand out from under the mattress and pulled out a poem one of her many visitors had given her, she honestly couldn't remember which one had handed it to her anymore though- all of these faces were so hard to keep track of now. It was a simple short thing and she rather liked it, it was about friendship, bonds, and never forgetting each other. That last part stung a bit. Maybe it was just the irony of the thing she didn't know. She didn't really remember writing the thing even though she'd been told it was hers. It read in such strong handwriting 'Kairi' printed very nicely there at the very end with hearts dotting the i's. Kairi was her name she supposed... But then why did people sometimes call her something different?

She turned and quickly stuffed the poem under her mattress when a knock sounded on the door. "Come in," she called, hoping it would be just loud enough to be heard over all the din. Ugh it was that woman again. "I don't remember anything," she asserted to the woman, hoping she would go away, she didn't want to talk about whatever it was that had happened. She'd heard all the words of course- even though she hadn't _really_ been paying attention she'd heard them repeated enough that they'd started to sink in finally. Words like 'kidnapping' 'abduction' 'accident' 'suicide' 'identity confusion' and so many other things and she just didn't really get it. Couldn't she just explain to them, very nicely, that she didn't understand all this and that it had to be some sort of very bad dream or an even worse joke and she just wanted this all to end? But that just didn't seem to work and instead she had to keep telling this woman to go away.

...

**A/N:**

r&r.

and please vote in my polls. (i like to change them so check every once in a while, 'k?)


	2. Kairi

**disclaimer: FANfiction. **think about it.** all i o****wn is the plot.** Don't sue

**…...**

She looked at herself in the mirror; something, so many things actually, seemed wrong, her hair, her way of dressing- it was all wrong, paler and yet almost brighter than it should be. Her hair color was wrong, not the forceful, attention grabbing auburn she loved, but blond instead. The clothing they'd brought her to change into wasn't a happy, brightening pink but white, and she hated all the white in the place already and now she had to _wear_ it.

What was going on? All the things she 'remembered' felt like they belonged to someone else... like she was just a spectator, like they belonged to a movie. Being abducted, forced to hurt people, a group looking for ransom... that all belonged in some movie.

She was Kairi, carefree, happy with her friends, talkative, loved, _missed_. She did ordinary things like going to the beach, hanging out with friends...

Who was Naminé though?

She looked at the girl in the picture again and recognized the face and outfit; it was Olette. A friend of hers. They'd met when some of her other friends had to go away.

But the things she's 'remembered' are they really things she did? Or are they just things others told her about while her brain filled in the details, made it seem realer. But there were so many questions floating around in her head, because there was something missing and her heart ached, and she wondered if that ache had to do with that question, the one everyone kept on asking. And the one she really didn't want to answer. What if none of this, none of the very few things she felt sure of, were true? What if it was all something made up to protect herself, with very small bits of truth mixed in there, enough to make her believe it, but not enough to hide the lie. Was she ready for that? If that was a lie, if she herself was a lie like everyone said... then something was wrong.

Her fingers curled around the poem she held, it was signed Kairi, she'd even dotted the 'I' with hearts, writing it for her friends. It said her name, hers, not some other girl's. What did they make of that? Wasn't that proof enough? She existed, she had existed, and all the things they were saying just couldn't be true. They hardly made sense as it was. The why's and how's and all of it... maybe what scared her the most was that in some convoluted way... it did make some kind of sense. If it was someone else going through it all maybe she'd believe it, the whole thing sounded ridiculous but, but understandable too. She wouldn't want to be the girl everyone had described to her either. She sounded like some poor, pitiful, pitiable thing- all things that Kairi wasn't. Things she refused to be...

But... there it was that awful word that wouldn't leave her alone, 'but'. Because... 'But' maybe there was just the smallest of chances it was like that boy kept saying, kept asking. What would she do if none of this, none of her, was real? If she really was the girl named Naminé like everyone said? She wasn't sure she could handle that... what it would mean.

And then that boy stepped in again, the silveryblue haired one.

...

**A/N:**

r&r.

and please vote in my poll. (i like to change them so check every once in a while, 'k?)

you can see this as slightly ooc i'll admit. oh well. I'm trying. And I think some of this is how the characters would react given certain things in their pasts. And I'm still trying to get a feel for the characters and their personalities; it's hard, especially for AU! It's not my best work by far but i wanted to put something up...


	3. Riku

She stared at him curiously, still in front of the mirror and tugging at a piece of her hair again as if it was an alien thing... he supposed he was looking at 'Kairi' again then. He really couldn't, didn't blame her. She'd been abducted when she was thirteen and her captors had held her until she was seventeen. That was enough to change anyone, to make anyone seek to escape the truth, no wonder she'd pretended to be someone different than who she was, someone different and stronger, someone who escaped with the help of friends rather than dumb luck and pure chance. She was the only daughter of a wealthy company owner- he very much doubted she'd had many friends. He was just a lowly intern who got to help take care of her and was trusted to keep his mouth shut. Sora, another boy, and a friend of his who stuck his head in occasionally and had to reintroduce himself each time he came always butting in without permission always managed to alarm her.

She looked so... fragile. And she was he supposed. She'd only been in here for about a month but he'd gotten a chance to read her case files... her life, even before 'the incident', had been pretty tough. It didn't help that everyone kept trying to tell her everything and that the media kept trying to sneak in as well... she was the talk of the whole hospital even if it was mainly rumors. None of the ones actually involved with her talked about it, at least he never did, but his aloof nature scared everyone off... except Sora, of course, but that was a given.

And Sora had already popped 'the question'- no, not the usual one, but he'd been the first to try and get her to remember the incident, to ask about the persona that was 'Kairi' and what if her memories were only wishes and dreams, scenes from movies and nothing that was really hers. And in return Riku had wished to pop _him_ upside the head but refrained. She'd looked about ready to cry and Riku had glared and Sora had scooted over and tried to comfort the girl as best he could with clumsy words. The idiot. But a goodhearted one.

She looked at him and hesitantly smiled and for the first time and he saw flecks of gray in those eyes that he bet no one had ever seen. She bit her lip a little and shifted around, shyly brushing away a strand of hair that had fallen across her eyes. She was pretty- that much was obvious- but that bit of hair usually covered her face and he saw a slight birthmark across the pale skin and he briefly wondered if she usually kept it hidden out of habit. But somehow it didn't take away from her natural beauty. She wasn't 'hot' but she was cute; she still seemed so... innocent somehow. He was surprised she seemed to trust him so much. One of the men she'd trusted had taken part in her kidnapping... or had she still forgotten that too...

She shifted again, obviously uncomfortable with his stares, which he'd hardly been aware he was giving anymore. How long had he been looking at her? He blushed.

"...It's Riku right?" she finally managed to offer nervously, still playing with her hair.

He smiled encouragingly, "Yeah." It seemed she was Namine right now, somehow she'd reverted back, the nervous gestures and hesitation were the same. Now that even 'Kairi's' confidence had been shattered, he was beginning to see more of the girl underneath. More of the unguarded expressions and the fear and confusion which often drifted across her face.

And right now she looked about ready to cry as she asked... "What would you do if all your memories were fake? Lies even." He could sense a plea in her voice.

"I... don't know. I guess I'd feel rather... lost." Lost... funny just how well he knew the meaning of that word. He still had to thank Sora for all his help but somehow the idea of apologizing to the idiot had little appeal to him. Even if the idiot had managed to kick his ass back into shape... Sora just had that ability to bring out the best in everyone and not give up. It was pretty amazing really and he needed some of that now too... This girl, maybe the things she'd seen and the trauma would stay with her the rest of her life, but he could still get her functional again, stable again, make it so things in the world seemed a little more sane for her. Because he understood being alone and trapped in an insane world you couldn't grasp; the difference was he hadn't had to _stay_ there... thanks to his friends.

...

**A/N:**

I think I'm done this now.

this ficlet was inspired by rachael by the band she wants revenge

**also please vote on my polls. thx.  
**


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